5 proven ways to cope with stress: helped me and my clients even in difficult times

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My unique path: why this experience is unlike hundreds of others

I was diagnosed with ADHD at 30, after starting therapy for depression. Until that age, I hadn't experienced depression—or it simply hadn't been diagnosed. The only serious episode occurred when I was 24: a temporary dissociative episode or early stage of personality splitting that lasted about four months. The psychotherapist didn't make a definitive diagnosis due to the time that had passed. Everything turned out well then, apparently due to the reason described below.

It all started with my first official job at McDonald's as soon as I turned 16. It's important to note that at that time, McDonald's was one of the best employers in Russia—they had very high standards, good salaries, rapid career advancement, and employees would be fired even for eating a single chicken nugget in the kitchen (eating was only allowed during breaks, only certain foods, and only when recorded and distributed by a manager). They took training very seriously. At home in St. Petersburg, I have a stack of textbooks and workbooks about 30 centimeters high. They taught me how to train and how to manage, and most importantly, I wanted to learn it all. At one point, I even led the restaurant's training system and received an "A" grade for the semi-annual audit.

By 17, I had developed a strong interest in self-development in management, social psychology, personality psychology, and understanding myself and others. By 20, I had moved to Burger King as the Training Manager for the St. Petersburg region and was already mentoring many restaurant managers and directors, and by 22, I had mastered numerous coaching techniques.

It's hard to say if I have a predisposition to depression, but it's possible. Throughout my life, I've used many different techniques that I learned over 5 years and continued to eagerly read self-development books to make my life easier, rid myself of harmful childhood beliefs, and become the best version of myself. These techniques probably helped me successfully avoid depression. At 30, an event occurred that triggered a chain of other events that people don't usually encounter.

That's why I think this article will help many during difficult times—as support and a way to improve their condition, and possibly even protect against depression. Obviously, this isn't therapy, but these are "hard-earned" practices that have helped me and my mentees and clients.

What is thought-fuel and how does it relate to stress

Let me explain how I understand stress, so we're on the same page. We encounter stress very frequently, every day: waking up early is stress, a cold apartment is stress, missing the bus is stress, not getting a response to a message is stress, being late for work is stress. In general, any stimulus somehow causes stress and depletes our thought-fuel.

Thought-fuel is a concept by Maxim Dorofeev. Simply put, thought-fuel is a limited resource of cognitive energy and attention that's necessary for completing tasks and making decisions. Stress accelerates the consumption of this resource by triggering anxious thoughts, forcing multitasking, and reducing our ability to concentrate. To conserve thought-fuel, it's important to minimize stress, break tasks into smaller parts, and regularly give our mind rest.

In this context, any stimulus we encounter is stress. It leads us to burnout or depression and steals our thought-fuel. Of course, we're all different, and the same stimulus affects us differently: from having no impact at all, to unconscious impact with a cumulative effect, to an immediate reaction. But we all have different resources at any given second, so it's a floating scale.

Overall, it's necessary to calm down to be productive and healthy — constant stress worsens emotional state, reduces cognitive abilities, and weakens immunity.

Therefore, here are 5 simple ways that help noticeably reduce stress levels.

Nutrition as the Foundation of Calmness: How Food Affects Stress Resilience

I don't know if this is true, but when I'm hungry, I tell everyone that my blood sugar has dropped and I might start "killing" everyone if I don't get a snack or a proper meal. When I was building my career at Burger King, my standard schedule was 9 to 9. By the end of my time there, I was overseeing 12 restaurants, and I could visit up to 4 in a day. The last ones had the worst luck because I was already terribly hungry, tired, and wanted to go home. And of course, I was irritable. The restaurant managers and directors caught on to this quickly, and if I arrived in such a mood, the director would take me by the arm, they would bring us food, we would eat, and only then would we start working.They even learned to use this trick in another way: if I was about to head home or to another restaurant, and they needed something from me, they would come to me with coffee and treats. I already knew it was a bribe and that I would pay for it, but I loved them all — they were my people, so I agreed.

Therefore, the primary rule for combating stress is meeting basic needs. This reduces stress levels and increases our stress resilience.

Just remember: one piece of candy is okay, but a diet with excess unhealthy foods increases stress, lowers serotonin levels, and worsens digestion and mood.

To briefly explain the essence, foods high in fats and simple carbohydrates, consumed late in the day, can negatively affect both the composition of gut microflora and neurochemical processes related to mood regulation and satiety. Scientific research shows that gut microbiota is directly connected to the central nervous system through the so-called "gut-brain axis."

Poor choice of late-night snacks leads to an increase in potentially harmful bacteria and a decrease in "friendly" microorganisms. The latter play a role in the production of serotonin — a neurotransmitter associated with stable mood and sense of well-being.

When you regularly "feed" your gut with fatty, sugary, and fiber-poor foods, the microflora changes for the worse. As a result, less serotonin is produced, and stress and anxiety levels may rise. Here's a simple example: if at 12:30 at night, instead of having a small light snack (such as plain yogurt or a handful of unsalted nuts), you choose a greasy burger with french fries and sugary soda, you'll first feel a boost — fast carbohydrates will give you a temporary energy spike. But within an hour, you may experience fatigue, heaviness, irritability, or sleep problems. Instead of helping your body recover, such nighttime eating reduces sleep quality and in the long term can undermine not only your mood but also your immunity, weight, and metabolic health.

I mentioned about diet in this article:

Mental overload: How to find balance and inner peace while pursuing your goals

Hello, dear ones! There are many ways to take care of oneself that can be interrelated. One of them is the prevention of mental overload. This publication is intended for those who are busy with intellectual work, particularly office workers. Let’s find out why it is important to know

ksnk mediaAleksandr Kosenko

Hunger, thirst, or physical pain significantly reduce your stress resilience to external factors. Therefore, by satisfying these basic needs, you create a foundation for success. Simply put, if you've taken a painkiller, had some water, and eaten - you'll become much more productive and react more calmly to any events.

9-minute reset: how a short break reduces emotional tension

If something has upset you - for example, your boss scolded you for no reason, or something triggered a painful reaction - an excellent solution would be to wait 10-15 minutes. The average time for emotions to subside is about 7-9 minutes, so if possible, just sit down, relax, drink some calming tea, meditate, or practice deep breathing using the 3-5-7 pattern.

But you can make this time even more effective by applying concept categorization.

Situation → Thoughts → Emotions → Reactions:

• Situation - neutral description of the event;
• Thoughts - internal dialogue that arose in response to the situation;
• Emotions, feelings - description of feelings that the situation evoked;
• Reactions, actions - how the situation affected your body and behavior.

To begin with, imagine mentally stepping out of your body, finding yourself in a film studio, and sitting in the director's chair. This will allow you to see the situation from the outside, rather than how you experienced it. Then try to describe what happened as impartially and neutrally as possible.

Second - hear what we're telling ourselves about this situation. Name the cause of what happened. What is your character on stage thinking? What are they telling themselves? How do they want to react?

Third - give it a name. Create your own or use an existing one. You can name your emotion however you want. Describe the feelings you're experiencing. Say them out loud. Find a formulation that will be comfortable specifically for you. What would you as a director say about this scene in one or several words, what is it about? What would you say to your character?

And fourth - assess how the situation affected your body. Where and what do you experience physically: "I'm experiencing such-and-such feeling. It's located here because..."

Analyze how the situation affected your behavior, what you wanted or want to do. Let it become conscious and rational in your mind.

Most likely, this will help reconstruct the picture of what's happening. Aggression, irritation, pain, shame, and other negative emotions will gradually subside.

The thing is, primary reactions cannot be rational. They are not proactive and never lead to positive changes. They are reactive and are a direct response to a stimulus, bypassing cognitive processing. Such reactions can bypass the limbic system, remaining devoid of emotional or motivational assessment, or the cerebral cortex, manifesting as subconscious automatisms or reflexes.

Imagine someone commented on your Instagram: "You're stupid," and you feel a sharp impulse to respond aggressively. Instead, stop and break down the situation step by step.

• Situation: Describe the event neutrally, without judgments. For example: "Someone wrote a comment with an insult."
• Thoughts: Notice what you're telling yourself at this moment. For example: "I think this is unfair, and I need to defend myself."
• Emotions and feelings: Name and acknowledge your feelings. Say: "I feel anger. It manifests as tension in my chest and jaw clenching." Then name the reason for this state: "I feel this because I perceived the words as a personal insult."
• Reactions and actions: Assess how the situation affected your body and behavior. For example: "My anger makes me clench my fists and want to write a rude response." Then translate this into rational terms: "I can react differently - for instance, block this person or ignore the comment."

This approach allows you to slow down, acknowledge your emotions, and choose a response that will be helpful and won't worsen the situation.

In this context, I like the statement from one controversial speaker and designer-influencer from Russia. He shared how twenty years ago, when the internet was just emerging, someone commented that he was a "stupid idiot." That's when he first understood the essence of the internet: here, anyone can just come, make a mess, and leave - and it means nothing. It's just the internet, that's how it works here, but it doesn't affect real life in any way.

Of course, now we don't really want to admit that the internet has become part of real life. But maybe these words are still relevant? Maybe the internet really does have different rules of the game, and it's not quite real life - after all, in reality, everything has remained the same.

Using Imagination to Combat Stress: Refocusing Thoughts for Inner Stability

If stress doesn't subside after the first and second methods, try questioning your thoughts. I know you think you're already doing this, but research shows that we usually don't question our thoughts. So, regardless of which camp you belong to, try looking at the situation from different angles. It may turn out that the true cause of our anger is completely different from the event that's bothering us. Here's one exercise:

Cognitive Restructuring: Replacing Distorted Thoughts with a Clear View of the Situation

Cognitive restructuring is a process that helps us consciously review our thoughts and their interpretation, replacing them with more sound and constructive ones. It's important to understand that often it's not the events themselves that cause our anger, fear, or irritation, but how we perceive these events.

Situation: Your loved one isn't responding to your messages. You start feeling irritated, angry, and think they're ignoring you, don't love you, or are simply avoiding you. In this case, cognitive restructuring allows you to look at the situation from a different angle. There are other explanations for why they're not responding to your messages: they might be experiencing some difficulties, could have lost or forgotten their phone, their phone might have died, or they might simply be sleeping. In other words, there are circumstances where they simply can't respond to you right here and now.

Step 1: Ask Yourself the Key Question

Start by asking yourself:

"What exactly am I thinking in this situation?"

Identify the thought that's triggering a strong emotional reaction. For example: "He's ignoring me, which means he doesn't care."

Step 2: Question the Thought

Use analysis techniques to check how well the thought corresponds to reality. Here are several important questions:

• "Why am I so sure about this?"
• "Why did I decide this is true?"
• "Do I have evidence supporting my thought?"
• "Are there other explanations for this situation?"

Step 3: Reformulate the Thought

After analysis, find an alternative explanation for the situation. For example:

Original thought:
"He's ignoring me, which means I'm not important to him." ⤵️
⬇️
Alternative thought:
"He might be busy, tired, or experiencing difficulties. This isn't necessarily about me."

Step 4: Use the "5 Whys" Technique

Use the "5 Whys" technique, asking questions like: "Why am I sure about this?", "Why did I decide the situation is exactly like this?", "Why do I think everything will be exactly this way?" — choose the questions that work best for you.

To understand your beliefs more deeply, ask yourself:

1. Why do I think he's ignoring me?
   Because he's not responding.
2. Why did I decide that no response means ignoring?
   Because I'm used to getting quick responses.
3. Why is it so important to me that he responds immediately?
   Because I'm afraid of being rejected.
4. Why am I afraid of being rejected?
   Because it makes me feel lonely.
5. Why does loneliness frighten me?
   Because I'm not ready to be alone with my thoughts, I'm used to filling them with other people, activities, and things.

This analysis helps you see that your irritation isn't connected to the lack of response, but to a deeper fear of losing closeness.

Step 5: Evaluate Emotions After Restructuring

Close your eyes and think about the situation again with the new interpretation. Assess how your emotional reaction has changed. For example:

"He might have just fallen asleep or be busy. I don't know exactly what's happening, but it's not a reason for anger."

Example: Analyzing a Situation with a Loved One

1. Situation: A loved one isn't responding to messages.
2. Thought: "He's ignoring me."
3. Doubt: "Why did I decide this is true? Do I have evidence?"
4. Alternative: "Maybe his phone died, he's busy, or just resting."
5. Emotions after analysis: Instead of anger, you feel more patience and understanding.

Why Does This Work?

1. Reducing cognitive distortions: You learn to recognize distortions like catastrophizing or personalization. It's as if the fog clears before your eyes, and you suddenly realize how distortedly you were looking at the world through the crooked mirror of your fears.
2. Decreasing emotional intensity: Replacing negative thoughts with more realistic ones reduces stress levels. You know how it goes – you sit there worrying as if the whole world is falling apart, then you talk to a wise person, and it turns out it's no more serious than a fly in your juice.
3. Understanding the true causes of emotions: You begin to understand that your feelings are often caused by deep-seated beliefs, not events. As they say: "Don't look for the reason in the soup if the salt lies in your character." Our feelings don't grow from events, but from the depths of our soul. And over time comes the understanding — all these sufferings and worries stem from childhood. It's like carrying a little child inside who's still afraid of the dark and believes in Santa Claus.

Use cognitive restructuring as a tool for daily management of your thoughts and emotions. Wisdom doesn't come immediately, but if you think a little about your thoughts and feelings each day, you'll gradually learn to distinguish between truth and your fantasies.

In general, all this cognitive restructuring is like renovating an apartment. It's unpleasant to do, but afterwards you live and enjoy it. And the key is – a little bit each day.

I'm currently thinking about whether it's possible to tear everything down and build anew, and I'm conducting an experiment on myself, hoping it won't kill me. But in any case, I'll soon share this concept.

Meditative Prevention: Visualizing Solutions and Reducing Anxious Expectations

Meditative prevention is a technique that helps cope with anxious expectations through a mindful approach to potential difficulties. It's based on our brain's ability to remember pre-planned solutions, which reduces fear of uncertainty.

It would be great if you not only create an action plan but also visualize it step by step in your mind. Start with the traumatic event and the emotions associated with it that you're experiencing now, then imagine the path to a calm solution through simple, clear actions.

Step 1: Identify the Anxiety-Producing Situation

Start by clearly articulating what causes your fear or anxiety.

For example: "I'm afraid to submit my resume because I might get rejected."

Step 2: Visualize the Worst-Case Scenario

Imagine what will happen if your fear comes true. It's important to visualize this not as a catastrophe, but as a manageable situation.

For example: "I sent my resume and got rejected. It's unpleasant, but it's not the end."

Step 3: Find Solutions for the Worst-Case Scenario

Now think through specific steps you'll take if this situation occurs.

1. Update your resume by analyzing requirements from other job postings.
2. Identify new search directions, including positions that match your experience.
3. Find temporary income sources that will provide stability.
4. Create a skill development plan to increase future success chances.

Step 4: Reframe Risk Perception

Tell yourself:

"Even if the worst-case scenario happens, I already know what I'll do. This is just a stage on the path to my goal."

Now imagine that in case of success, you only win: "If I don't get rejected, I'll have the opportunity to move forward without additional losses."

Step 5: Reinforce Confidence Through Meditation

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and mentally walk through the entire process: from submitting your resume to responding to rejection or success. Feel confident that any outcome will lead you to a more stable position.

Repeat several times: "I'm prepared for any outcome, and I'll handle it."

Why This Works

1. Reducing uncertainty: You create an action map in advance, which helps your brain perceive the situation as less frightening.
   • Create systems instead of goals: Developing an action plan isn't just a task list, it's creating a system that automatically reduces uncertainty. When you have a system, your brain shifts from "what if" mode to "here's how" mode.
   • Courage begins with vulnerability: When we create an action plan, we acknowledge our fears and uncertainty - and this is the first step toward genuine bravery.
2. Shifting focus from emotions to actions: Attention moves from anxiety to specific solutions.
   • From self-criticism to self-compassion: Instead of drowning in anxiety, we learn to be kinder to ourselves by focusing on specific, achievable steps.
   • Use second-order habits: Shifting from emotions to actions is a meta-habit. It doesn't just help in a specific situation but improves your overall ability to cope with stress. It's like compound interest for your emotional resilience.
3. Building confidence: Regular visualization of readiness helps reduce reactive anxiety.
   • This approach works on the principle of atomic habits: small, consistent actions create a reliable system of readiness for any life challenges. Remember: you're not just preparing for a specific event - you're building a personality capable of handling uncertainty.
   • The power of authenticity: By regularly visualizing our actions, we're not pretending to be invulnerable - we're becoming truly whole.

Cognitive Distancing: A Step Back for Clarity and Peace of Mind

Exercise: Cognitive Distancing through the "Room of Concerns"

Cognitive distancing is a powerful technique that helps separate yourself from consuming thoughts and emotions, allowing you to regain control and calm. It relies on our brain's ability to perceive visualization as reality. Below, I'll describe a professional and structured approach that you can use. Before moving to Spain, I had a coaching practice where my clients were "on subscription." This meant that besides scheduled meetings, they could call a dedicated number for urgent discussions — if my second phone rang, I always answered. In such cases, I often used this technique with them, acting as their guide. But you can perform this exercise on your own.

Step 1: Identify the Dominant Problem or Thought

Start by clearly recognizing what's bothering you. Formulate the problem as specifically as possible.

For example: "I feel like I'm not managing my work well."

The task here is to acknowledge the thought and not fight it, but simply accept that it exists.

Step 2: Create a Metaphorical Space

Imagine that this thought or problem isn't you, but a separate entity existing in an enclosed space.

Visualize a "Room of Concerns." Let it be filled with everything that symbolizes your problem. It could be dirt, disorder, heavy air, darkness — create an environment that evokes a sense of discomfort.

Example: "My room is filled with papers containing mistakes, loud voices of criticism, and a sense of chaos. Thousands of phones are constantly ringing all around me"

Step 3: Acknowledge Your Observer Position

Now imagine that you're standing at the entrance to this room, but not going inside. You're just observing the disorder that's happening there. This is important to feel that you're controlling the situation from the outside.

Tell yourself: "This room is not me. It's just a space where my thought resides."

Step 4: Close This Room

Mentally picture yourself carefully closing the door to this room. Feel yourself moving away from it. After closing the door, turn the key and throw it away, imagining it disappearing.

Say: "I'm closing this room, and I don't need to return to it right now."

Step 5: Set a Time to Return (if necessary)

If the thought requires future resolution, set a specific time to return to it.

For example: "I'll think about this tomorrow at 3:00 PM."

If the problem doesn't require urgent attention, simply say: "I'm not returning to this room anymore."

Step 6: Shift Focus

After closing the door, switch your attention to an activity that brings you a sense of peace or joy. This could be deep breathing, a walk, a cup of tea, or something pleasant.

Why This Works

Creating visual metaphorical space helps separate yourself from the problematic thought.

You know what the trick is here? "The main thing is not to think of the problem as part of yourself". When you imagine your anxieties separately from yourself, as if in a separate room, it becomes easier. It's no coincidence that every culture has beautiful legends about wise elders locking evil spirits in a jar.

Closing the room signals to the brain that the situation is temporarily resolved or postponed.

And by closing this imaginary room, we're kind of telling our brain: "That's enough." Just like how my mom used to close the cupboard with candies - they're there, but it's not time yet, that's for New Year's, and somehow I would forget about them.

Focus on the present moment prevents returning to worries.

And most importantly — learn to live in the here and now. As my philosophy teacher used to say: "Look here," he would tell us somewhere in the depths of reasoning, between explaining realism, functionalism, idealism, and postmodernism, "while you're thinking about what was or will be, the present is passing by." He was a wise and intelligent man, though terrifyingly strict. Getting the highest grade in philosophy was simply impossible; everyone just hoped for a passing grade.

Use this technique as a tool for strengthening control over thoughts and reducing stress levels. The key is practice and a sense of humor. Relax and allow yourself to be less serious and more playful in the process. This is necessary for full participation in the exercise, in this peculiar game with the brain. If you're too serious and tense, the technique might not work. Usually, a guide is needed for this, but just try to relax.

I want to add something to this technique like: "Never take yourself too seriously — no one else does," or "Those who take themselves too seriously often miss out on life's pleasures."

In general, leave yourself space to be...

P.S. I couldn't find the right words, so it seems it will remain as is — space to be Or insert whatever comes to your mind

Remember that the effectiveness of these methods depends on regular practice. Choose the techniques that work best for you and integrate them into your daily life. The key is to be consistent and patient in their application.

Drawing the Line: Key Tools for Strengthening Emotional Resilience

Awareness of Basic Needs:

Start with simple physiology — eat, drink, eliminate physical discomfort. Meeting these needs creates a solid foundation for stable emotional state.

9-Minute Pause and Situation Reframing:

A brief pause allows you to reduce emotional intensity and look at the problem objectively. Breaking down events into "Situation → Thoughts → Emotions → Reactions" helps regain control over your feelings.

Developing Imagination and Cognitive Restructuring:

Question your thoughts, analyze them, and replace distorted interpretations with more balanced ones. Imagination is your tool for finding alternatives and reducing anxiety.

Meditative Prevention — Visualizing Solutions:

Mentally rehearse action plans and imagine peaceful outcomes even in difficult situations. This reduces fear of the unknown and strengthens your ability to make decisions consciously.

Cognitive Distancing:

Learn to look at problems from the outside, separate yourself from intrusive thoughts, and temporarily "close the door" to the room of concerns. This will help find balance and reduce stress levels.

Systematic application of these tools gives you the opportunity to build a stable emotional foundation. By relying on them, you can more easily adapt to changes, maintain calm in difficult situations, and strengthen your psychological flexibility.

Sources for ”gut-brain axis”