5 Reasons Why Staying Friends With Your Ex Is Totally Fine

Staying Friends with Your Ex: It's Actually Normal

From a psychological standpoint, staying in touch with an ex is completely normal. Ironically, if you can't stand the sight of your ex, that might actually mean you're still emotionally invested in the relationship. Maybe you're harboring resentment, or maybe you still have feelings for them. Either way, it's a sign that you're not quite over it.

Sure, some people stay in touch with exes hoping to rekindle things or keep a door open. But more often than not, that's not what's happening. Here's why: our brains are fundamentally lazy. They prefer the familiar because it requires less effort. If you spot your ex in a crowd, your brain immediately goes, "Hey, I know that person!" It's happening on autopilot.

Why We're Drawn to the "Wrong" People

Here's an example. You walk into a party and there are five people: four of them are perfectly nice, and one is a total nightmare. Guess who your brain zeroes in on? The difficult one. They're familiar territory, and somehow that feels safer. Wild, right? Our brains prioritize survival above all else—regardless of how we're actually being treated.

We're wired to conserve energy. So we gravitate toward people who already feel comfortable. Personally, I stay in touch with exes who have a good sense of humor. I don't expect anything more from them, but the conversation is enjoyable. Here's the thing though: once the sexual spark fades, it's tough to reignite. Couples who split due to lost attraction often end up with nothing but an intellectual connection.

The Sunk Cost Effect

Another reason we stay connected to exes? We hate losing what we've already invested in. Think about it: you've been at the same job for years and don't want to quit because you've already put in so much time. Relationships work the same way. We resist cutting ties because we've poured so much of ourselves into them.

If you had good times with your ex, it can actually shape what you look for in your next partner. Healthy communication with past partners often improves future relationships. It's another form of energy conservation. Good dynamics with exes can be a predictor of good dynamics with future partners.

Jealousy and Trust

If your partner talks to their ex, it's not automatically a red flag. In fact, good communication with past partners often signals that your relationship will be healthier and less likely to cause emotional damage. Partners who maintain friendly connections with exes tend to be more attentive and caring. Jealousy and distrust can create a vicious cycle—if your partner feels suffocated by your need to control, they might seek out someone easier to talk to.

Talk about your feelings. If your partner's friendship with an ex bothers you, have a real conversation about what it means to you. Chances are, it's just casual friendship—nothing more.

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, staying in touch with an ex isn't always cause for alarm. Sure, sometimes it does indicate unresolved feelings. But more often, these connections are completely harmless. Don't let jealousy sabotage your relationship. Instead, focus on what's ahead.