How to do a proper digital detox or what's really going on?

Everyone tells you that you need to spend less time on social media, but they don't understand that your whole life is concentrated there?

YouTube and Instagram aren't just entertainment, but your work contacts, personal connections, and main interests. When you look away from the screen and at the people around you, they seem so dull compared to the vibrant life online.

Is this topic about deleting apps still relevant? I often see these memes about how someone deleted apps, started a new life, and by evening had installed them again.

There are two parts to this problem and one question.

Often we escape to social media to scroll through feeds because we don't know what to do in reality.

Procrastination

It's caused by the need to start some task — usually either creative or boring — and so our brain either procrastinates and prepares to come up with something grandiose for the creative task, or avoids the boring task because, come on, it's boring. And here, most likely, the problem is that you're capable of more and want more, but hesitate to take the first step toward it.

But if we set aside questions of coaching and personal growth, the answer is — you don't know where to start, you don't know what to do. This can be solved by creating specific to-do lists that our automatic brain can execute.

Here's an example of a poor to-do list that isn't suitable for automatic execution:

• Anti-example (too general tasks):
  • Clear out the clutter
  • Prepare for the project
  • Take care of the house
  • Work on self-improvement

And here's an example of a specific to-do list that works for the "automatic brain":

• Good example (specific small tasks):
  • Sort the top shelf of the hallway closet (15 minutes)
  • Delete unnecessary files from the computer desktop (10 minutes)
  • Write a project plan: 5 points maximum (20 minutes)
  • Call Anna about Thursday's meeting (5 minutes)
  • Fill in the February expense table (15 minutes)

The key difference is that in the second case, the tasks are specific enough and have clear limitations in scope and time, so the brain doesn't need to additionally think about where to start and how to act — you can simply begin executing.

The emptiness of reality

The second problem is that you don't have interesting activities here, in reality. What's surprising about escaping to social media?

Go somewhere where other people spend time: dance classes, music, ceramics; a book club or wine tasting; painting or at least the gym. Feel out what interests you in this life. Approach someone you like and invite them to spend time with you — whether it's for coffee or a vacation. Tidy up your home. Update your wardrobe. Sign up for genuinely challenging, intensive courses where there are homework assignments and group pressure.

In short: do something to make your present reality interesting.

At first it will be difficult, because building reality is hard and time-consuming, while virtual pleasure is always nearby, just a click away. But the satisfaction from a cleaned apartment or a heartfelt conversation late at night in the kitchen — it doesn't compare to any YouTube standup or Instagram meme.

Don't address the symptom, address the problem: you've neglected your real life, nothing in it interests you. Become interested in something again. Remember what you were interested in before social media. Listen to yourself: who are you if you remove subscriptions to all your meme accounts?

And be prepared that this is very difficult. Much more difficult than social media.

The Question

But is this really a problem? Is there really something wrong with your life? Maybe you just need to leave yourself alone and ask others to leave you alone?

These are complicated times, with so many realities. How simple it used to be — there were the rich, oil, real estate, big pharma, corporations, and there were the poor, working in offices or "in the field."

But now it's unclear, the mirror has cracked and scattered in space, we're either in the matrix, or through the looking glass, or somewhere else. At this moment, the tension between the poor and the rich has become even sharper, while also becoming thinner and more fragile. New technologies are rapidly changing our world, and you're trying to jump onto this train, but you don't understand how. And you don't understand if you need it.

Spend time scrolling through your feed but thinking about what you're doing with your life. And try to start looking for answers and reflecting. Step back each time and "finally fall backward off the cliff" and in free fall wake up, rouse yourself from sleep, like in the movie "Inception." This is certainly a metaphor, you're in the real world, and don't fall off cliffs here, I did that once, don't recommend it, six months in the hospital and chronic depression, though that started even before. And physically my body hasn't recovered either.

And here I'll contradict myself, because I should have stated the question first.

Living in the world of social media might not be bad if they help you create moments and connections in real life. Social media is a casino, where you're kept by dopamine, mainly, and serotonin occasionally.

But meetings in real life provide oxytocin, the hormone of attachment and trust. It's released during hugs, physical contact, close communication with other people. It's oxytocin that creates the feeling of closeness, safety, and belonging that's so lacking in the digital world. This is a deeper, more stable satisfaction than the fleeting surges of dopamine from likes and notifications.

Please, reclaim your life, and believe me, I know what I'm talking about, I've confined myself to my room, writing articles, working on a project, and procrastinating on social media. Yes, I'm my own jailer, but I'm an immigrant, my life is destroyed, I'm completely alone, even though I'm surrounded by amazing people, but I can't find "my people" and regain those moments of personal meetings that I've lost.

Maybe when you bring reality back into your life and oxytocin flows freely, maybe everything else will become clear too.

As always, I invite you to share your opinion in the comments
With love 😽 🤗 😘
K