Write down your dream. Then ask: is this mine or inherited?
Most dreams aren't born—they're inherited. Before chasing yours, figure out if it actually belongs to you.
When dreams feel like something frivolous
For a long time, I treated dreams as something mystical. You know the drill — visualize it, and the universe will respond. Turns out, psychologists now see it differently: dreams model behavior and sustain motivation. Not magic — a tool.
But there's a catch. To dream productively, you first need to figure out: what do I actually want? Three books helped me with that.
"I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was" by Barbara Sher — for those who feel embarrassed about wanting things
This book teaches you to let go of the tension. To dream freely, without the nagging "what if this is stupid."
Sher offers an exercise: imagine five different lives you could live. Not one "correct" path — five. This removes the self-consciousness. You're not choosing forever, you're just exploring.
There are rituals in there like "buy a special notebook" that might feel unnecessary. But if you know the feeling that your dreams aren't ambitious enough or "don't deserve attention" — the book helps.
Eric Berne "A Layman's Guide to Psychiatry and Psychoanalysis" — to separate what's yours from what isn't
Sometimes you dream about something, and then catch yourself thinking: is this even my desire? Or do I want it because "that's what people do"?
Berne explains how the psyche works and why we often mistake others' expectations for our own. If your dreams feel imposed — this book is like a mirror. Helps you see where you end and where the voices of parents, society, advertising begin.
Mo Gawdat "Solve for Happy" — about happiness here and now
Gawdat is an engineer who lost his son. His formula is simple: happiness = perception minus expectations.
Sounds like oversimplification, but the idea works. If expectations are too high — any result disappoints. Lower the bar of expectations (not ambitions — expectations) — and suddenly an ordinary day becomes pretty good.
This book isn't directly about dreams. It's about not postponing life until "when the dream comes true."
What helps me
I keep something like a "dreamer-achiever journal." I write down whatever comes to mind. Sometimes dreams turn into goals. Sometimes I reread them six months later and think: "Seriously? That's what I wanted?" But mostly what I actually focus on are the big dreams, long-term goals, and paths to reach them. I don't have an entrepreneur's brain, and I can't figure out how to make enough money to buy myself a house by the sea, a jet ski, and afford a physical therapist three times a week so my multiple fractures don't hurt so much. Basically, I don't really need a journal or anything else — my desires haven't changed since I was 18. I'm used to living in a parallel reality, ignoring the actual state of things. That's just who I am, I've gotten used to it, I've made my peace with it.
If your dreams are normal, like all my friends' — evolving gradually along with you — then these books are definitely for you, and so is the following formula.
The main thing is to capture them. While a dream stays in your head, it's blurry. Write it down — and you can see whether it's truly yours or not.
